Wednesday, May 18, 2011

What Am I Doing Here?

Have you ever woken up one night and asked yourself, what am I doing here? Well I've been asking myself that same question for weeks now. I've been spending a lot of time alone, thinking....  thinking about my future, where I want to go, who I want to be... just everything about my life. Since I've been back to Austin, a part of me feels incomplete. There's something in my life missing and it's keeping me from being happy. But what should I do? Should I go in search of this missing piece?  Should I put school on hold? But I'm so close!!! Will it be worth it?

I was much happier when I was working in Dallas. Something about working gave me a sense of control and independence. I was able to make decisions and have a say in a business I knew nothing of. While here in Austin, I feel stuck. I'm confined to my apartment the majority of my day. All I do is go to school, come back home, go to school, come back home. I have no sense of control and financially I'm so dependent on my family. I hate it!

My relationship with an ex-boyfriend only made things worst. When you care so much about somebody, only to find out they don't care the same way about you, well it's a really crappy feeling. Next thing I knew, I felt like the most worthless and unloved person. A part of me wondered how I could be so stupid to waste my time. I even considered him my best friend. A part of me just feels so empty and cold right now.... I'll be okay :)
Back to my life.... so for weeks now I've been thinking about my life. I was finally able to come up with an idea of what I want to do, where I see myself headed. Hopefully this brings some happiness into my life and enables me to enjoy it to the fullest. I might have to put some things on hold, but I'll worry about that later, and let life take care of it. I'm just excited to be going back to Dallas this weekend(HOME SWEET HOME!) and be surrounded by my family and friends. This is the only life I'll ever have and I have to do what makes me happy.

"It's never too late to be who 
you might have been." 
~George Eliot

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