Friday, April 25, 2014

Lots of contemplating

For the past couple of days I've been contemplating about work, future, friends, love, myself and just life in general. I see myself going through a personal transformation, not intentionally, but I guess the type of change life sort of puts you through as it goes on.

Work. Lately, I've been working longer hours. It doesn't bother me much, unless I've made plans with friends afterwards. I kind of bring this upon myself because I make myself too available. I'm always cleaning up the mess, crossing off ALL items on the checklist, making sure everyone's okay. Call me a mom but I guess that's what happens when you're the only female working in the office. I day dream a lot about my future job. This isn't it. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the opportunity to hold a position of authority. I'm working on being more self-assertive, voicing my opinions, multitasking and delegating assignments. It can be overwhelming sometimes but when the job gets done, I feel like a total badass! That's the part I enjoy the most and I guess is the reason why I don't mind staying way past closing hours. My intention is to learn as much as I can and obviously apply it to all my future jobs.

Goals. I can't wait to go back to school. I think about it every day, I really do. It's been way over due but if things go according to plan, I should be back by next year. The dilemma I'm facing now is should I finish my degree in business or go for something completely different? I say this because I would like to dive into a career that helps others. I can't envision myself in corporate america, selling products forever. I would like to hold a position where I counsel people, help them reach their full potential. Whether it's in the form of medical, financial or life advice, I want to help those less fortunate. I don't say this to sound like a saint, I really do want to consider social work as a potential career move. Aside from working on figuring out a career, I'm also focusing on training hard for a marathon. I signed up a few days ago for the Dallas Marathon on December 2014. I'll be running 26.2 miles, which sounds crazy right now! I need to find a good pair of shoes and a good training plan to get me through. I'll also be done paying off my car by the end of this year. I'm so excited for 2015!

Friends. In the last few months, new friends have come into my life. The type of friends I pray I'll have forever. It's kind of bittersweet at the same time because I sense my old friends, childhood/high school friends, may feel I'm neglecting them. I've never been the type of person to burn bridges and hold grudges. I never want any of my friends to feel or get the impression they are not important. I love my friends and lately I've been feeling like a shitty friend.

Love. Nothing new here (LOL) I've been asked out on a couple of dates, but I haven't been too interested. I'm seriously the most awkward flirt. I have many personal affairs I want to take care of and a boyfriend is just not a priority. I do get lonely sometimes, but that's it. I don't want to get into a relationship because I'm lonely. People require attention. It would be selfish to jump into a relationship, that I can't make time for. But I can't slack off because I'm single. This lonely-phase is a time for preparation. What I mean by that is I need to work on myself, emotionally, physically, pick up a hobby, learn how to cook, etc. So when that special person comes along, I want be special to him.

Myself. One of the biggest changes in my life has been spiritual. I've been reaching out to God and praying for guidance. I've reading the bible every other day and I'm learning how to pray. It has given me a sense of peace that I've never experienced before. I'm getting a better understanding of who I am, what I like, what I don't like, etc. This will be a lifetime journey and I pray He leads me to my purpose in this life.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Camera Roll: Uno

I picked a random set of pictures in my phone. Nothing super exciting. I'll probably do another round soon. Enjoy.
Morning run at the park. The weather was on point.
At a Texas Rangers game with my friend Palos. He took me there as my birthday present  :-)

At the bookstore trying to learn how to dance like a stripper. Nothing new.

Vintage horror books. Dope.
Before the big change. Bye bye basic wig.
My favorite ring. 

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Felling Like a Kid

A few weeks ago, a friend and I visited the Perot Museum of Nature and Science. It's been a while since I've been to a museum so you can only imagine how excited I was. The place was pack with kids, who were on an actual field trip, which made me feel like a big kid on a field trip as well.

But first let me take a selfie. lol. 
The escalator took us to the very top level of the museum. We started our exploration with a 'journey through the solar system.' I remembered some of this from elementary but it was nice to feel like I was learning something new again. 

We then made our way through the Mesozoic Era. We watched a 3D short film about dinosaurs, which was interesting.

The next level provided some insights about earth, from tornadoes and earthquakes to the production of  natural energy and gas. We even took a virtual trip underground and watched how natural gas was produced.

Huge, not real, drill bit 
My favorite exhibition was the engineering and innovation hall. It was so fun and interactive. I got to play with a couple of instruments, produce some beats, and do a cool drawing that was then projected on a screen. I swear it's more fun than was it sounds. So many things to do!  

We ended our adventure at the sports exhibition hall. It offered a variety of sport activities. One of my favorites was a virtual race against a dinosaur. Imagine running down a bowling lane and a dinosaur, projected on a screen against the wall, racing you. I lost, of course.

There's a lot I left out. If you're in the Dallas area, I highly recommend visiting this place. Perfect for a family trip or even as an adult on a date. I promise you will enjoy it.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Dallas Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon

I ran the Dallas Rock 'n' Roll Half-marathon, my second half, in March. It was honestly one of the best races I've ever had. Going into this race, I was a little nervous. I had slacked off the last weeks of training, the most critical weeks. I had prepared better for the Dallas Marathon in December, but it got cancelled at the last minute. Mentally, I was prepared but physically I just wanted to finish under 2:45. And that's all I was focused on. 
picking up my race bib at the expo, 2 days before race day!
quick selfie before the race!
That morning, Jarrah and I rode the train to the race in downtown. It turned out to be a good idea, since we didn't want to deal with traffic. The race started at 8am, but my corral took off about 15 minutes later. 

I felt great through out the race. At each mile, I was ahead of my anticipated time goal and that got me really excited. I ran nonstop, which is something I don't usually do especially on a long run like this.

Around mile 11, I started to push myself a little harder. By then all I wanted to do was just be done. It almost turned out to be a disaster because I began to get cramps towards the end of mile 12. In fact, one of my legs got numbed. I was like heck no! I did not just run non-stop to let this happened as I am finishing. So it took a lot of positive thinking and pumped up music to get me to the finish line alive. It also helped that my family was there to cheering me on.

Sadly this lady stole my shine... lesson learned: clear your path next time.
All that positive thinking paid off. I finished well under my time goal, and I beat my previous (first)half time as well. 

As soon as I crossed the finished line, I stopped running and had to walk. It felt a bit crowded with both, runners and volunteers everywhere. Volunteers handing water, bananas, etc. Time felt like it was moving slow. In my mind, I my legs felt like they were still moving in a running motion. As I walked passed volunteers, a girl stopped me to hand me my medal. My medal! I almost missed it! I was in such a high, I was just walking like a zombie. They kept handing me all these free goodies. Milk, bananas, towels. A lady saw I was struggling to keep up with all my stuff and offered to helped me. I told her I felt so lost and remembered thanking her. Finally I found my friend, Jarrah. Then my family! 
my family. mom, niece and nephew, tia and cousins. 
We soon took off after that because the weather was a bit chilly. I rewarded myself with some well deserved tacos. After a cold shower, I laid in bed for most of the day. I wasn't as sore the next day as I thought I would be. 

It was an awesome day and I look forward to beating this finished time. Let's see how it goes! 

6/28: Hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I intended to answer questions from my 28 Things Challenge one day at a time, for the entire month of February. Obviously, it did not go as planned due to my busy work schedule. I will continue to answer each question but at my own pace. So please be patient, thank you. 

Life has a way of throwing you curve balls every now and then. I've had my share, including the death of my stepfather when I was 11 years old. His passing was so sudden and unexpected that I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. Something that I still struggle with till this day.

But while that was tough, nothing can compare to a time in my life when I felt so helpless. What should of been an exciting time of self-discovery and meeting new people, was also my lowest point.

It all happened a few years back when I was in college. From the start, I hated my major. I hated my classes. The only real reason I was even there was because it was the perfect opportunity to finally runaway from home. I was very shy, so making new friends didn't come easy. I met a couple of people through various organizations, but deep down I felt so alone. After a series of self-esteem issues, financial hardships and break-ups, I began to develop negative feeling about myself. 

Things only got worse when I moved off campus. I isolated myself even more and soon turned those negative feelings into anger. I valued my self-worth by those who loved me and I didn't love myself. In fact, I hated myself. I was such a negative person, nobody wanted to be around me. That was just the type of energy I brought along. This anger soon turned into a serious of violent behavior.

I was so ashamed of my actions that I couldn't anyone about this. So one afternoon, I walked over to the school's counseling center and spend hours telling this complete stranger everything I was too embarrassed to admit to myself. I was finally exposed and I felt so relieved. 

After months of counseling sessions, my energy, confidence and attitude about life began to change. I picked up running again and finished my first half-marathon. Sadly by that time I was already in a financial mess that I had to put school on hold.

It's been three years since I moved back home and it's not always been easy. At first, it was frustrating to feel like I was making progress but not fast enough. I was no longer on track of my "five year plan" that I had after high school. 

But these past few months, I've been experiencing something amazing. I've had new people come into my life along with new opportunities and adventures. I'm learning something new about myself everyday. I'm starting to finally embrace the person that I'm becoming. As of right now, I'm not where I want to be, but I'm very thankful that I'm not where I use to be. I'm taking this time as an opportunity to get back to the drawing board and writing my new plan in life. Because at the end of the day, I just have to be the best version of myself.  

I'm not a super awesome writer so hopefully I got my message across. Thank you for reading!

Pick a random question and submit your answer in the comment box, You can remain anonymous.