Life has a way of throwing you curve balls every now and then. I've had my share, including the death of my stepfather when I was 11 years old. His passing was so sudden and unexpected that I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. Something that I still struggle with till this day.
But while that was tough, nothing can compare to a time in my life when I felt so helpless. What should of been an exciting time of self-discovery and meeting new people, was also my lowest point.
It all happened a few years back when I was in college. From the start, I hated my major. I hated my classes. The only real reason I was even there was because it was the perfect opportunity to finally runaway from home. I was very shy, so making new friends didn't come easy. I met a couple of people through various organizations, but deep down I felt so alone. After a series of self-esteem issues, financial hardships and break-ups, I began to develop negative feeling about myself.
Things only got worse when I moved off campus. I isolated myself even more and soon turned those negative feelings into anger. I valued my self-worth by those who loved me and I didn't love myself. In fact, I hated myself. I was such a negative person, nobody wanted to be around me. That was just the type of energy I brought along. This anger soon turned into a serious of violent behavior.
I was so ashamed of my actions that I couldn't anyone about this. So one afternoon, I walked over to the school's counseling center and spend hours telling this complete stranger everything I was too embarrassed to admit to myself. I was finally exposed and I felt so relieved.
After months of counseling sessions, my energy, confidence and attitude about life began to change. I picked up running again and finished my first half-marathon. Sadly by that time I was already in a financial mess that I had to put school on hold.
It's been three years since I moved back home and it's not always been easy. At first, it was frustrating to feel like I was making progress but not fast enough. I was no longer on track of my "five year plan" that I had after high school.
But these past few months, I've been experiencing something amazing. I've had new people come into my life along with new opportunities and adventures. I'm learning something new about myself everyday. I'm starting to finally embrace the person that I'm becoming. As of right now, I'm not where I want to be, but I'm very thankful that I'm not where I use to be. I'm taking this time as an opportunity to get back to the drawing board and writing my new plan in life. Because at the end of the day, I just have to be the best version of myself.
I'm not a super awesome writer so hopefully I got my message across. Thank you for reading!
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