Friday, April 25, 2014

Lots of contemplating

For the past couple of days I've been contemplating about work, future, friends, love, myself and just life in general. I see myself going through a personal transformation, not intentionally, but I guess the type of change life sort of puts you through as it goes on.

Work. Lately, I've been working longer hours. It doesn't bother me much, unless I've made plans with friends afterwards. I kind of bring this upon myself because I make myself too available. I'm always cleaning up the mess, crossing off ALL items on the checklist, making sure everyone's okay. Call me a mom but I guess that's what happens when you're the only female working in the office. I day dream a lot about my future job. This isn't it. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the opportunity to hold a position of authority. I'm working on being more self-assertive, voicing my opinions, multitasking and delegating assignments. It can be overwhelming sometimes but when the job gets done, I feel like a total badass! That's the part I enjoy the most and I guess is the reason why I don't mind staying way past closing hours. My intention is to learn as much as I can and obviously apply it to all my future jobs.

Goals. I can't wait to go back to school. I think about it every day, I really do. It's been way over due but if things go according to plan, I should be back by next year. The dilemma I'm facing now is should I finish my degree in business or go for something completely different? I say this because I would like to dive into a career that helps others. I can't envision myself in corporate america, selling products forever. I would like to hold a position where I counsel people, help them reach their full potential. Whether it's in the form of medical, financial or life advice, I want to help those less fortunate. I don't say this to sound like a saint, I really do want to consider social work as a potential career move. Aside from working on figuring out a career, I'm also focusing on training hard for a marathon. I signed up a few days ago for the Dallas Marathon on December 2014. I'll be running 26.2 miles, which sounds crazy right now! I need to find a good pair of shoes and a good training plan to get me through. I'll also be done paying off my car by the end of this year. I'm so excited for 2015!

Friends. In the last few months, new friends have come into my life. The type of friends I pray I'll have forever. It's kind of bittersweet at the same time because I sense my old friends, childhood/high school friends, may feel I'm neglecting them. I've never been the type of person to burn bridges and hold grudges. I never want any of my friends to feel or get the impression they are not important. I love my friends and lately I've been feeling like a shitty friend.

Love. Nothing new here (LOL) I've been asked out on a couple of dates, but I haven't been too interested. I'm seriously the most awkward flirt. I have many personal affairs I want to take care of and a boyfriend is just not a priority. I do get lonely sometimes, but that's it. I don't want to get into a relationship because I'm lonely. People require attention. It would be selfish to jump into a relationship, that I can't make time for. But I can't slack off because I'm single. This lonely-phase is a time for preparation. What I mean by that is I need to work on myself, emotionally, physically, pick up a hobby, learn how to cook, etc. So when that special person comes along, I want be special to him.

Myself. One of the biggest changes in my life has been spiritual. I've been reaching out to God and praying for guidance. I've reading the bible every other day and I'm learning how to pray. It has given me a sense of peace that I've never experienced before. I'm getting a better understanding of who I am, what I like, what I don't like, etc. This will be a lifetime journey and I pray He leads me to my purpose in this life.

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